The Ten Crypto Commandments

Level 2 - Value Investor

Rule Numero Uno: Never Let No One Know, How Much Crypto You Hold

The cheddar breed jealousy

Don’t flex your cryptoassets and gains to people (IRL). What will happen at the end of a generational wealth transfer where crypto is among the most valuable assets in the world, the middle and lower class is totally decimated and everyone knows you made millions in an asset you self custody?

Think ahead, be smart, act dumb and stop flexing to itch your ego.

Otherwise Have Fun Being Kidnapped (HFBK).

Number 2: Never Let 'em Know Your Next Move

Don't you know Bad Boys move in silence and violence?
Take it from your highness
I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for their bricks and chips

Markets are adversarial. At a given moment, you are playing a game of poker with the other participants. Crypto Twitter influenzas understand this. If they told you to buy, they already bought. If they told you to sell, they already sold.

When it comes to small cap illiquid markets, they will not let you know their next move, since that comes at direct cost to them. For some very large accounts (250K - 1M+ followers) or people whose words hold a lot of weight, the same is true even for large caps.

Rational market participants will never let you know their next move, unless they stand to gain by doing so.

Number 3: Never Trust Nobody

The primary reason people share “alpha” on Crypto Twitter is because they need YOU to buy THEIR bags. Inherently, there is nothing wrong with this if it’s an investment thesis and not simply shilling worthless assets.

That said, most people don’t think like we do nor have the ability to find good assets - they are happy to take advantage of hype and FOMO to shill you worthless assets while they are selling.

Always consider the person’s incentives and Do Your Own Research before accepting their “alpha”. Never trust nobody.

Number 4: I Know You Heard This Before, Never Get High On Your Own Supply

If you stick around in crypto enough, you will be sure to have at least a few “big wins”. It’s simply inevitable by way of being part of this market - you get lucky. As a beginner, that might mean you turn a 0.1 ETH NFT mint into 2 ETH ($300 into $6,000!) or put $1K in a DeFi coin that yields you a 5-10x return in a matter of days.

You will feel a high. In that moment you think your asset is the future and it is going to be the next YFI or the next BAYC. You start planning your retirement and doing mental calculations like “I just have to do this three more times and I’ll be a millionaire by the end of the month!”

You might even start to think you are a genius and can’t lose. Don’t fall into this trap. Sober up. Come back to reality. Realize that crypto has a tendency to get ahead of itself in a big way and reassess your position calmly at every interval, without emotions. Never get high on your own supply.

Number 5: Never Let ‘em Know Where You Rest At

You should avoid linking your real name to any crypto addresses and you should always connect to a VPN before making any transactions.

Since most commercial VPNs are terrible, we’ll go ahead and link you to the best information on setting up (link also explains why we can’t answer questions on whether XYZ VPN is okay to use).

Also, should go without saying but don’t give out your address and avoid linking it to your anon identity.

For your own safety, security and right to privacy, never let ‘em know where you rest at.

Number 6: That Goddamn Credit? Dead It

Stop using excessive leverage and blowing up your ticket to the generational wealth transfer. Crypto provides an opportunity for returns you can’t find in pretty much any other market, yet people insist on using 10, 20, 50, or even 100x leverage and end up liquidated. Or they end up borrowing against things like Wonderland (TIME) just to earn more token yield when they’re already earning 40,000% APY.

Now, responsible leverage where you use DeFi to take out a collateralized loan with manageable loan-to-value ratios for farming.. That’s fine. Taking a levered trade with a small portion of your portfolio.. That’s fine. Taking a 100x leveraged trade with the entirety of a $10K portfolio is silly. That goddamn credit? Dead it.

7: This Rule Is So Underrated, Keep Your Family and Business Completely Separated

This one is for all the people shilling their grandmas Safemoon at Thanksgiving Dinner. If you’re going to get your elderly parents / grandparents into crypto, make sure you 1) are sure they can manage self custody and 2) don’t put their life savings into shitcoins.

BTC, ETH and maybe stablecoin farming for 99% of your families. Otherwise, keep your family and business separated.

Number 8: Never Keep No Weight On You!

Fendi and Ledger teamed up for this designer handbag that has your ledger hanging off.

Don’t walk around with your private keys or HFBK. Enough said.

Number 9: Shoulda Been Number 1 to Me, If You Ain't Gettin' Bagged Stay The Fuck From Police

banteg @bantg

Don't build the narcware.

The building of narcware invades our rights to privacy. Narcware development should be shunned. Governments will use fear as a trojan horse and inevitably try to convert crypto to the same surveillance regime enabled by web2.

Sorry gov, not this time.

Number 10: A Strong Word Called Consignment

Get your coins off exchanges. Yesterday. If your coins are on an exchange you do not actually own them because your private keys are what determine ownership. The exchange can shut down and cut you out at any time. They can limit or stop your withdrawals, and the status of your account can change.

Exchanges are not much different than banks, and banks are zeroes.

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Disclaimer: None of this is to be deemed legal or financial advice of any kind. These are opinions from an anonymous group of cartoon animals with Wall Street and Software backgrounds.